holy crap surgery has been rough and amazing.
the whole first week of recovery was such a blur...i just know i was surronded by so many amazing people and so much incredible energy. i wasn't left alone for a moment over that first week and a half. the rotation of friend, phone calls, gifts, cards and amazing vegan food showed me the level of unconditional love that the universe has given me. it couldn't have come at a better time.
having a break-up at such an odd time was difficult but the support i felt made up for everything. the potential for conflict arising during my time of recovery was too great and while it hurts inside i have finally resolved that it is for the best. while i hope for a level of friendship reconciliation at some point, i'm not holding my breath. i am friends with so many of my rad exes, i guess that just isn't the route some people take. i have to respect that. i know that i did my share of crappy stuff in the course of this most recent relationship and i will accept responsibility for that. my friends will kick my ass if i go back again so i'm trying to be strong and focus on my healing. it's amazing how many exes came out of the woodwork to support me during recovery. i guess that is something to consider in this very painful lesson from the universe.
i am very ancy to get back to yoga and the gym but i'm not going to push it for a few weeks. the pain that i have no is almost worst then it was post-op because i am on much more low key pain meds. driving is really difficult. today is actually the first day since surgery that i have stayed at work all day but my boss has been amazing.
i keep expecting to wake up and feel 100% again but then i am reminded, by people like my dad who know better, that i just had major surgery and full recovery is going to take months. i guess i was so excited about the actual event, i didn't think too much about the time i find myself in now. i have had to resolve to sit still and ask for help. i've gotton better at sitting still but the asking for help part has never been easy for me. luckily i think my friends know this and are way faster to volunteer than i am to try and let my toughness down long enough to ask for help.
the journey is just taking a new step now...i feel more doors opening and happier every moment. the pain will subside but the commitment i have re-made to myself is only in it's infancy and i am beyond stoked to contine forward.
113 days on t. 18 days post op. walking towards content.
